Zuko's Journey

It has been a little over 5 months since my handsome Zuko passed and its just been hard. In the beginning I cried until I was unrecognizable. I didn’t know what to do. I lost such a huge part of myself when Zuko left and I didn’t know how to live with him gone. I even had to take leave from work for a week to just process everything and try to get everything out. Everything is just so different now.

I knew that if I constantly thought about him being gone, it would eat me up so, I’ve been trying to keep myself busy with work and spending time with Keiko. Ever since Zuko got sick, all my time was with him so now I’m doing my best to try and make up for lost times with her. She’s definitely very different from Zuko. Their personalities are totally different but they just always complimented each other. She’s been a little different since he has been gone though. A lot more stubborn and just acting out a little more. She started acting out since Zuko’s been sick but a lot more now that he’s gone. She misses him. She misses someone who can push her and play with her like he does. I want to get her another brother but I don’t feel like the time is right.

In my apartment complex, our neighbors have small dogs and she tries to play with them but they’re so scared of her because she’s so big. But one of my neighbors rescued a little larger dog and they get a long so well! Her name is Kira and just seeing them play really reminds me of Keiko playing and running around with Zuko. Its so nice seeing Keiko playing with another dog 🙂

Keiko and I are also going on to our next chapter in our lives.

We have some good news! I got into vet school at Iowa State University!

So, in about 10 days we are moving over 7,000 miles from Guam all the way to Iowa! I have been sooooo stressed with this big move. With Keiko being a pit mix and United changing their policies, we’ve been slammed with finance issues just to try and get her to Iowa with me. I still have a balance at the clinic for Zuko’s treatments so it hasn’t been so easy. She’s also an anxious dog so I worry about how she’ll do when she flies. Just so many things piling up but I am excited to start this new chapter.

I remember when I was applying for vet school, I was sooooo hesitant because of Zuko’s cancer diagnosis. I told myself and everybody, that even if I got in, if I couldn’t take Zuko with me, I wouldn’t go. I knew I would never forgive myself if I left and something were to happen to him. But, I guess, in a way, Zuko made that decision for me. Now, I’m just going to try and be the damn best vet I can be all because of him and Keiko 🙂

Zuko’s Urn 🙂

Me and Keiko

Keiko and Kira

A few hours after my last post Zuko started becoming interested in food! specifically chicken so I got him some to eat and he seemed to be getting back to normal. The next day I worked a full day at the clinic so I dropped him off to my ex’s place in the morning since my ex was off. When I dropped him he was fine. He was happy and drinking water. I came back during my lunch break and he seemed back to normal – He stopped having diarrhea and was starting to eat. It seemed as thought his spark came back. I fed him a good amount of chicken but not too much to possibly upset his tummy. When I left he was all smile as usual.

After my shift ended, I went to go pick him up and once I got there my ex had told me that Zuko threw up everything he had eaten at lunch and he continued to throw up just clear saliva-like liquid with piece of his food. I put him in my car and rushed to the vet before my vet goes home and I tried to contact him but to no avail.

I just brought him home and I cried and I loved on him. I knew it was his time so I called my ex to come and we both were there when he passed. It was horrible and I knew he was in pain. This was not how it was supposed to be. We were supposed to have one last day at the beach and just do things together then he would go to sleep and pass without feeling the pain of dying.

I feel I failed him. I should have known. I just… I thought he was getting better.

I don’t know how to get through this. I don’t know what to do anymore or how to move forward.

He was my heart and I lost him. A part of me is gone and a piece of my heart was just ripped out 🙁

For the last 2 days Zuko has been pretty constipated. A few nuggets would peak out but it seems as though his large intestine isn’t moving his poop along. I gave him an enema the other day and that helped a little – a few nuggets came out but his tummy was so bloated and I could feel all the poop that was still in there. That night he was all fussy and couldn’t sleep which meant I didn’t sleep either.

I brought him in to see my vet yesterday and we took an X-ray to see what was going on and for sure he had massive amounts of poop that hasn’t moved. So what we did was try to flush it all out! we took a fecal probe to stick in his bum to get things moving and put some water in there to flush it out and sooooooo much poop came out. At first it was nuggets and then it was just diarrhea. My vet said not to be alarmed if there was some blood coming out with the poop because we just irritated his GI. He is still on antibiotics from his UTI so that would help. I stayed there for 2-3 hours just lightly massaging his tummy to get things moving so he could poop it all out. However, just when I thought it was over, as I was carrying him out, more poop came out! Good thing I had a big cardboard box that he could lay on and I put a trash bag on top with a few puppy pads. Once I got home I fixed his area with puppy pads and then I rinsed him off before I put him down. I offered him water and some of his cancer diet food that consists of chicken, beef liver, and a medley of vegetables with cottage cheese (which he loves!) but he didn’t want any of it. I thought he was just tired from everything that was going so Ieft him alone. He was finally comfortable enough to sleep. After resting for a bit, I offered him some food and water again but he only drank a little bit of water. Since he wasn’t really been drinking Ive been giving him some SQ fluids to keep him hydrated. He seemed pretty down and very lethargic so I asked him if he wanted to go outside and he jumped up and was pretty much pulling us as we were walking outside! but was we were walking more poop decided it wanted to come out so he want dripping everywhere.

It’s been about 24 hours since it all happened and he’s still pooping out diarrhea every few hours but his tummy isn’t bloated or hard anymore. He hasn’t eaten since though. He’s interested but doesn’t want to eat. Before flushing it out, he was still eating! despite how bloated and backed up he was, he still wanted to eat. He still isn’t drinking much water but he is drinking a little more than when I first brought him home. Since he hasn’t been eating its been difficult giving him his medications because he’d just take it with food no problem but now, I have to shove it down his throat and for not feeling so great, he still puts up a good fight.

I don’t know what to do or what to think. My vet said its just going to get worse because the paralysis is starting to affect his bowel movements now but to just see how he does. He also recommended that I take him on more walks and to the beach to get his GI moving. When I took him for a short walk yesterday he loved that and was just full of energy but with him not eating and still pooping out diarrhea, I don’t know how to move forward.

On Friday when I expressed his bladder I noticed a very strong smell to his urine and it was bright yellow. I brought a sample to my vet and they said it was a UTI and he was given TMS 480mg BID for 10 days and have him drink cranberry juice. His pee was fine for the rest of the day but on Saturday when I got out of work at around 2pm, when I expressed his bladder, there was blood in his urine! and it still had that horrid smell. I definitely was terrified but I know blood in urine is normal for a UTI so I thought, ” okay, lets give the antibiotics a chance to kick in.” It is Sunday night right now and his urine is getting concentrated with blood. Its scary and Im getting really worried. Im not sure if UTIs make their urine this bloody.

I was thinking of taking him to the vet tomorrow but another part of me was thinking I should give the medications a chance. Any suggestions?

Right now he’s taking:

AM: Tramadol 50mg, TMS 480mg, and Dexamethasone 1.5mg

PM: Tramadol 50mg, TMS 480mg, and Metacam 5mg

We just recently added the metacam back into his regime. He seemed a little painful and was restless at night so my vet added the metacam and said that with the tramadol would be a good combination. I voiced my concerns about him taking a steroid (Dex) with an NSAID (Metacam) and was told it wouldn’t be a big issue.

It was like this last night.           And this is what it looks like now

Still has that big ‘ol smile tho 🙂

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to our Tripawd family!

Thank you guys so much for all the support! I honestly don’t know where we would be and how I would cope without you all.

Things have been going great on our end. Zuko is still trooping along and has been doing better at not making accidents when we’re not home. We also had a relief vet come in while our regular vet was on vacation and our regular vet actually told me to talk to him and get his opinion and advice about Zuko’s condition and medications. As far as his condition, the relief vet said the same thing – it’s not likely that he’d improve and everything that we’re doing right now is more of palliative care. He also advised to take him off the metacam and have him on tramadol (50mg 2x/day) instead.

I am definitely so happy that Zuko still has that big ‘ol smile on his face and still has the drive to want to play and chase cats. Lately, it has been very hard working at the clinic. There have been sooooo many dogs that come in and just remind me of Zuko – dogs with cancer, dogs that are paralyzed from the waist down and are incontinent. Going through the motions with the owners and hearing the heartbreak in their voice when deciding to put them to sleep and going through the process with them just takes so much out of me. It makes me think of my situation with Zuko and how easy it is to forget about it since he’s still so happy despite his condition.

But enough of all the sadness! Here are some photos with Zuko at the Christmas lights! 🙂